at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
