just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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