So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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