Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
