that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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