Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
