now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
