My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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