We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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