I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
