I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
