I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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