Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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