its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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