6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
