You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
