This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
