I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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