I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
