I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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