I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
