is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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