I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
