Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
