I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
