woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize