I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
