I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
