I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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