People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
50% drunk capacity currently
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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