So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
