He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
