So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
