I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
