Are we in a gay sports bar?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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