I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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