When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
