question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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