Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
