Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
