you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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