I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
