I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
