I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
