She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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