I could have mohawked her pubes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
