No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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