So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
