So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
