stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
