Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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