Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
