I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well you can't waste a boner
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
