If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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