so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We are all done wearing pants today
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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