Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
