so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
