Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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