is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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