Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
