im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
