Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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