You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
