I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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