it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
