Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
