you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
