I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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