dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize