I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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