so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
